Dismembered Fantasies!

Being quarantined at home for over a week saw me reading a lot! Which is good, only I wish the reading material I coincidentally collected just before I fell ill, had been slightly better!

Well, they were written by some of the bestselling authors of our time and I did not in the least expect it to turn out even slightly appalling. To give them due credit, I must say that of the three books I read, One falls into the category of a Good read, another a wonderfully young and bright time pass and the third falls into the genre of a PAIN! And yes I am going to talk about the Pain!

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, by Stieg Larsson

The Book is supposedly a BESTSELLER! I heard about the book almost two/three years back and since then I had mentally decided to have the complete trilogy with me (NOT any more). But as all things will take place only when the Almighty waves his hand, this too only took place two weeks back! And I thought I had the perfect ammunition in hand to combat my illness, but alas I was grossly mistaken!

The Book can be best described as "A forensic FIR with sickenly high degree of explicit violence". It is certainly the last thing one would want to read while having severe cold, cough and fever, as this is the time when our minds are already playing up unpleasant thoughts and poignant themes over and over again!

I feel the Book should have retained the original title of “Men Who Hate Women”, because that is exactly what it is! It is a Book by a Man who obviously hated women and the female body! Lisbeth Salander (the tattooed private investigator/hacker of the title) is portrayed as a feminist avenging angel. At the same time Larsson goes into the most graphic descriptions of the abuse and mutilation of women, often going into the whole "misogynist" zone altogether!

It's all very confusing if you come to the story a bit after the event, which, like many, I have. Not being a thriller fan, I spurned the Dragon Tattoo bandwagon for a long time. When a book is as hyped as this, you have certain preconceived notions: I imagined violence, but apparently NOT enough! I was shocked, to discover how formulaic and disturbingly graphic it was. Yes the book is nothing like what I have read in the fact, but THIS was a revelation! At the beginning of the book, I paused for like 10 minutes, thinking about the poor Larsson who couldn’t live to see the immense success of this books and gradual transfer to the Silver screen!

The underlying message that I found from this book was that, we behave the way we do because of our individual characters, upbringings and personal histories. In Larsson's world, it's the psychopaths who split the world thanks to their Idiocrasies about Genders.

The Book is laced with high level of distress at misogyny with Larsson’s explicit descriptions of sexual violence, his breast-obsessed heroine and babe-magnet hero. No one seems to have any morals whatsoever! Which I now believe is too much to ask for from a Thriller Novel! Larsson's is greatly preoccupied by violence against women, and the scarcely believable horrors that are unearthed, which are all deeply rooted in misogyny.

I will would to label the Book as anti-women. It was a potentially good mystery is lost in scenes – such as a violent rape – that dwell too much on what feels to me like Larsson's horrible fantasies. He spares us many graphic descriptions, leaving a lot of the worst to our imagination which is even worse.

I am a huge fan of Dan Brown's writing style. Brown's book gives us a great deal to think about. Reading it again and again I always discovered something new which I have never noticed before. The way Brown has woven such a beautiful work, with all the pieces falling in place at the right time, the suspense, the anagrams, the puzzles, and the greatest mystery which is unleashed at the end... It was simply amazing with all the connections that he came up with be it Princess Ariel or the others. I remember reading Angels and Demons, The Da Vinci Code, If tomorrow comes (by Sidney Sheldon) and secretly wishing if I could get into the writer’s head! After reading this book that wish of mine has been completely nipped in the Bud!

I waited too long to read the book and look at the Result! I think I'll give the film a miss altogether!!

Wanderlust!

The feeling of being with oneself and oneself alone is a very rewarding one!

What better day can I choose to write about being alone and its perks than TODAY! The 14th of February! Since the day doesn't have any significance in my life, it's only fair that I make sure that it does in a special twisted kind of way! Right?

Mind you I don't want to sound like one of them sorry SINGLES! Hell No! Actually I can’t even try to sound like them, because I am very much in love with someone, in fact the person happens to be my most desired/ preferred/ ideal person in this World! MYSELF! Lol

The other thing that I love is travelling! No it’s not like I have travelled the world or for that matter even been to all the scenic spots with my Hometown! In many ways I am a complete vestal traveller!  But then again, how could I have when I have a Mum who hates staying in hotels and thinks the TIME for us to splurge money on travelling hasn’t come! (Yup trust her to pull the strings to that BOX)

Travelling to places you haven’t been to before, being amongst new/different people, cultures, languages and food, all it intrigues me and actually makes me want to FLY SOLO!

Since I love being with myself so much, I think it would be perfect if I travelled alone! Okay When I say I want to travel alone, I am not saying that the fear and trepidation of traipsing across continents to different countries all by myself has not occurred as of now. It’s just that I think I am ready for it!

In my head, I already have this preconceived notion that traveling solo is going to be very rewarding, don’t ask how and why. I just know!

A few years back, I had to opportunity to travel to Istanbul, Turkey, with three of my friends. Yes it was indeed an absolutely fantastic trip but there was something missing! I wanted to take in every sight, sound and smell like an insatiably hungry child.

The reason why I would like to travel in the first place is to escape the four corners of my cubicle, the frightening comfort ability of a mundane daily routine, and how can I do that if I travel with my people, my comfort around me??

Yes I have also thought about the innumerous comments and protests made by my family and friends, who would definitely tell me things like my plans were impossible and unsafe, and that I was “only a girl.” I am prepared for all that and even more determined to prove them wrong!

I have mentally written down why I want to travel alone, a couple of times before and now I feel I should put them down on paper to show increased fervor and fortitude in GOING FOR IT alone!

Travelling along I will be able to taste-test a wide array of cuisines from the local market without someone curling up their nose in disgust; and then again I won’t have anyone forcing me to eat anything I would rather not try.

The time I lay my head on the pillow or decide when to rise shall be completely my prerogative. There would be no need to sacrifice any plan for the sake of compromise.

I will be responsible to no one but myself. Every wrong turn or misstep is mine – and mine alone. I am looking at precisely these challenges to make sure that I am stronger.

I know for a fact that loneliness is inevitable, but the mere thought of the quiet solitude of travelling alone has led to my deepest insights about my own nature and would give me time to study the realities of others.

The sensation of being connected in a world so vast can and will help me revel in the long-lost freedom of becoming ‘one’ with the landscape. As Big B puts it, it would be just Main aur Meri Tanhaayi, no artificial, painful dialogue; rather I will be able to withdraw into the deepest recesses of my mind and imagination.

I want to become a sponge, absorbing every detail and sensation of a new location. It is one of my biggest dreams to spread my wings, and soar above and beyond my (as well as a few other’s) greatest hopes and dreams. The intensity of aloneness magnifies this privilege and it also shows how selfish I am, wanting to enjoy everything for myself! How Perfect! :P

Superimposed Exile!

It almost feels like yesterday, when I was packing my bags up, tidying up my place, picking up my car keys, sunglasses and BB and wishing my colleagues… Did I mention screaming “See you 2mm”’? Well yes that too… Little did I know that TOMMOROW was going to come only after a really really long time later! This took place last Monday and only today was I able to keep my word of seeing them again!

What was I up to for the whole week???

Well, I got a new posting… sort of at least! I got posted to my BED! Yes I was placed in under the command of my multifaceted BED! My Bed has been a one of things to me, a Friend, comforter, my ally, my helper in making decision, my partner in Dream, this time he had turned into my captivator! Stranded to my bed for 7 whole days!!

A long week of suffering! Severe Body pain, Fever, cold, and cough in short the FLU! To make things worse, have I told you that I have a THING against antibiotics? Yup we mutually hate each other. I am also one of those people who find it horrible to subject one’s body to a multitude of medicines. Why one would want to torture one’s body with innumerous tablets, syrups, injections etc is completely beyond me. Don’t you think we/ our bodies have any sort of resisting power or resilient powers?? Well I do, but apparently NOT enough!

The past week, even I had to give up my theory and succumb to medicines, but mind you I still managed to stay off antibiotics completely! *A Pat on my Back!*

First few days were pure horror thanks to the intense body pain and shivering! I just couldn’t get off the bed and couldn’t muster up enough energy to even read! Clouding eyes, sore limbs, intense pain in the back and what not. Then came the Fever, cough and cold! This is probably the worst bout of illness I had since Chicken pox I tell you! I sincerely hope and pray that something even remotely close to the degree of severity of this one doesn’t fall upon me or rather upon anyone for that matter. It is just too cruel.

I know there are diseases and illness severe than the one I went through, but I don’t care about them at the moment! What I care about is the silly little Virus that attacked ME and got me down for so many days!

Drank Soup, Read three complete books, watched 5 whole movies, Drank Soup, listened to the Virgin radio perpetually, spoke to my mum, Drank soup and SLEPT; this tiresome week saw me do these things to varying frequencies and degrees. Did I mention I Drank Soup?? My Poor Mum had to go through my extreme mood swings and silly pettiness all week; it’s a wonder that she could curb the urge to hit me with the first thing that she found!

Being completely off Facebook, Twitter, Gtalk, Msn, BBM and My blog was a welcome change actually. It is always refreshing to know, who cares about and who doesn’t just by taking a look at your FB notifications or you’re Pending BBM’s. Have made a Mental note of all the people who did and didn’t! :D

So many medicines, cough syrups, gargling, vapor inhalation and what not? God, I hated the whole of last week! In fact I still hate the whole of last week! What a WEEK!

Never thought I would be saying this, but here goes... IT feels great to be BACK to Work and HOW!!

Living Obcompulsessively!

It’s pretty NORMAL, on occasion, to go back, check and double-check if that the iron is unplugged or your car is locked. But what if one gets obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that become so excessive that they start to interfere with one’s daily life. And no matter what you do, you can’t seem to shake them off.

 

My fixation about checking things, over and over again has resulted in a peculiar behavior which pressurizes me at most opportunities.

 

One of the most common and obvious action that I have can be noticed after I park my car anywhere.I park the car, switch it off, get out, press the Lock key and then I just cannot resist to pull the door handles, each and every one of the 4 doors in circles few times, I avoid if someone is there in the vicinity or I know someone is watching, that too with great difficulty. Then I will walk away after feeling that the car is locked securely. After I walk quite a distance, I will feel the urge to go back and check again. Really bad urge! Even though I try to reassure myself that I already made it secure the last time around, I still can’t help but to go back again. This ritual of circling the car and pulling the door handles will repeat 3 or 4 times. Once people started to notice that I am behaving strangely, then I will start to change line of attack by firing the remote control button from far away to confirm that the car is locked. But since it is done from far, then I will feel that the car might not be secured properly and I will start to go back and do it all over again. Every time I walk away from the car, I can’t resist going back and checking. When people are around, after I walk away from the car, I will pretend like that I have forgotten something and put my hand on my head and will go back to the car to check again.

The whole thing will make me tired, stressed up and not to mention Foolish!

 

To make things worse, I actually did not lock the Main Door of My House a few days back, and I left the key rite at the keyhole. :O These mistakes made me virtually unable to forego the car checking ritual every time I park my car. Strangely though, I have never noticed any one doing the same thing like me in the car park till now. If I saw few people like that, it would have made me more comfortable as I am not the only one like that!

 

Second thing that I do would be talking to my Favorite person, Myself!! Basically a string of voluntary thoughts pop into my mind all the time and when I am alone I find myself voicing it out. That’s how I describe it anyway, and I am sticking to it!! Talking to you is something that some people may see as insane, but look at the benefits. In some cases I see better decisions, better progress in time management, and being less judgmental.

Only issue being is that if you choose to talk to yourself, always do so in your HEAD and always remember that you are talking to yourself and that people are not talking to YOU! LOL

 

After checking, rechecking my car doors this morning and walking to my Office, I found myself telling me, that I need to cut the habit, and all of a sudden I realized that these weren’t the only things that I worry about. :O so what else do I worry about?

 

Well I am bothered about:

• Being contaminated by germs or dirt or contaminating others
• Fear of causing harm to yourself or others (This is somewhat else there days)
• Intrusive violent thoughts and images (Picture standing alone with a laundry boy in the lift and having images of him trying to strangle you! Phew!)
• Excessive focus on religious or moral ideas (Yup!)
• Fear of losing or not having things you might need (Checking the bag for my mobile like a hundred times, only to find that I have left it at Home yet again!)
• Order and symmetry: the idea that everything must line up “just right.” (This Book should be towards the right and that pen should be towards the Center!)
  

 This Worry of mine in turn turns into irrational behaviors:

 

• Unnecessary double-checking of various things like locks, appliances, and switches.
• Smelling Food before eating it!
• Frequently checking in on loved ones to make sure they’re safe.
• Smelling anything and everything for that Matter!
• Ordering, evening out, or arranging things “just so.”
• Constantly sniffing around to check from burning smells or leaks
• Counting, tapping, repeating certain words and other senseless things to reduce anxiety.
• Always expecting the Room to go up in flames the minute I switch on any of the sockets!
• Praying excessively (Actually is there a thing as praying *excessively*??)
• Accumulating “junk” such as old newspapers, magazines, and empty food containers, or other things I don’t have a use for. (This of course doesn’t last to long, as I have my MUM to shout at me for causing unnecessary clutter in the House!)

Clearly, obsessive compulsive tendencies tend to make life difficult. Things that enter my mind tend to stay on my mind... until I have completely explained them, to myself. A simple word or question from another person needs to be cleared in my head. I need to know why he/she said what they did… This repetitive, fixated thinking can be incapacitating, especially when the thought on my mind is fear. Because of this tendency, I have panic attacks that start out as almost nothing.

However, I find that these tendencies can also be beneficial: I have the ability to maintain intense focus on a single task for a long time. When I go to accomplish something, I am resolute and thorough. This is particularly useful in philosophy. I start with a thought, and intensely, carefully, and rigorously, I can follow the thought to its logical conclusion... With obsessive attention to detail and caring not to leave anything out.

 

As I am winding up my little blog entry, I cannot help but be a little worried! I am a bit worried that if I have started liking it, I am also worried if with time I will lose the advantages to thinking in this obsessive, compulsive way, that are a big part of my identity. But living with this brain of mine is frequently not all that agreeable. It's a HARD conclusion to arrive at.

Traffic Tantrums and Driving FORCE!

Of late, the number of times, I have had to swear at the air in my car is unbelievable! The news has been full of tales of road rage. YouTube it and I guarantee that you will get at least 50 videos of men simultaneously driving and hurling a torrent of foul abuse at other motorist.

These events are not cases of Road rage. They are Traffic Tantrums!! These behaviors are pretty much similar to that of toddlers having a temper tantrum:

• Utter selfishness and

• Loss of impulse control.

The difference being, it’s understandable in toddlers; but in grownups, it’s shameful.

Sadly, traffic tantrums are all too common. In fact, one might say that they are just the extreme version of what happens to all of us when we get behind the wheel of a car. The nicest person in the world can become hostile while driving.

Certainly I find myself shamed by my OWN emotions when I drive my car. In no time at all I am muttering about the stupidity of other drivers. Thank God, I don’t taxi my little brother around too often or else he would have surely learnt a thing of two about swearing from me.

And other drivers are doing the same to me, sometimes not at all quietly. For example, they honk harshly if I take a second too long to pull off from a light.

Yet if I pause longingly in front of the ice-cream section in Spinney’s, other people will say, “Excuse me” rather than screech at me furiously. And though I may get mildly irritated if someone chooses the center of an aisle in Lulu to stop and think, odds are I will just politely go around him or her, rather than attempt to beat him or her to death with a cricket bat.

Let’s face it; every Friday would see a mass murder in the various supermarkets if people had traffic tantrums in them. So why is it so different when we are driving?

                             

It seems that in traffic, we struggle to stay human. Perhaps it is because when we are in traffic, we are deprived of that which makes us human: the power of speech (rich torrents of foul abuse notwithstanding).

When it comes down to it, all motorists are prevented from effective communication by their isolated mode of transport. That’s why all motorists get angry from time to time – and some take it way too far.

Should'nt we be questioing the way of life which condemns most of us to spending more and more time in isolation in traffic jams than being with our family and friends? This I believe is also one of the foremost important feature which brings out the very worst side of human nature, making most of us rude and hostile, and turning some adults into dangerous, overgrown toddlers?

   

Road rage can range from mild – such as pulling a finger sign – to serious – stabbings, beatings, and death. Controlling our temper while driving is vital for safe and happy travelling.

This morning alone, I was in quite a fit! Let me explain, as usual, there was a long queue, an exceptionally long one at that today, leading to a signal, in the densely populated area of Al Quoz, and today of all days, One man gets into Big B Avatar and decides to dough the queue and jump right in front! In true *Hum jahan par khade hote hai, Line wahan se suru hoti hai!* style! Well Neither is he Big B nor are we gaonwaale!! 

Guess where he stopped, yes, right next to yours truly, At first I thought I would beat him up. But then I thought, why go to extremes?? I simply rolled down the window and asked him “What’s the Rush?” Of course he looked visibly embarrassed at being reprimanded by a young lady right in the morning(Should I add pretty? Hahaha) But irritated me even more, you have the guts to act smart, but absolutely no anwser to a simple question as that?? I went on “Do you think, all of us in the line are Fools to be waiting here?? And you Mister are the smart one, to jump right ahead?? Don’t you pause for a second to think about what the people behind in the line would think about you or feel?? What if every1 decides to jump the line??” I don’t know if it was the tone (I used the soft, non emotional... *you are disgusting tone*… lol) or the look in my eyes, but he Apologized!!!! Yes he did, just then as in the movies the signals turn green and I zoomed off to my direction!! LOL

I think telling him off like that, avoided the sudden rise of blood pressure in me and a sense of clarity him in terms of the fact that he will definitely think twice about doing what he did again, at least at that Signal!! :P 

Think of the possible consequences of Madness of this Sort!

Road rage can feel good for a while as we vent our frustration, but the benefits can be vastly outweighed by the possible consequences, such as:

• feeling tense, stressed and angry,
• an increase in heart rate,
• a rise in blood pressure,
• having an argument or fight, (Like I almost did! :P)
• having an accident,
• damaging or destroying our car and others’ cars or property,
• getting black points,
• going to jail (I am Serious, it can happen :P),
• all the paperwork that comes with having an accident,
• an increase in car insurance costs,

 See just taking one look at this list itself will have you think a positive and drive carefully.

                                 

That got me think, What if WE could do a little something to improve Road rage and Traffic Tantrums during our daily drive to work to back home?

Here are a few ideas:

• Deep Breathing (Trust me it works)
• Being a considerate and compassionate driver
• Don’t personalize other people’s bad driving
• Listening to Music at a decibel level suited to you.
• Leaving the BB in the bag or somewhere far so that we DO NOT get tempted to touch/use the same!! (I am Guilty of this!! Hands Down)
• Visualize feeling at peace while driving, and say positive affirmations like, I am getting calmer while driving or I can stay peaceful when I encounter bad drivers or I can choose my emotions and I choose to feel calm when I am around bad drivers.

If we can apply all this, tantrums, rages and breakdowns would ultimately get sorted out - then we'd definitely be getting somewhere… Isn’t it? I am definitely trying this! :) :)

Beauty is not caused. It is

Your beautiful poise in glide supreme,

Gives such like a vista honed as from the GOLDEN heaven.

That beautiful art of face ornate,

Not ever to understate or be riven …

   

Attempt at Photography 103 - Beauty is not caused. It is

Under the Yellow Umbrella

It’s been said to me,

That a smile should be your UMBRELLA.

Well I suppose that it may be true,

But it goes much deeper than that.

Because a smile is just another coat you wear,

But the rain chills to the bone.

So from now on I’ll be wearing my smile,

Right next to my heart…

It’s been said to me,

That a smile should be your UMBRELLA.

Well I suppose that it may be true,

But it goes much deeper than that.

Because a smile is just another coat you wear,

But the rain chills to the bone.

So from now on I’ll be wearing my smile,

Right next to my heart…

 

By the way this was the work that was caused by extreme boredom and FANASTIC Weather conditions on last Friday!!! :P Since going out was not even an option, I thought why NOT put the Camera into SOME USE! :D :D

My Attempt at Photgraphy 102 - Under the Yellow Umbrella

What's the good of news if you haven't a sister to share it??

"Stare. It is the way to educate your eye, and more. Stare, pry, listen, and eavesdrop. Die knowing something. You are not here long." 

                                                                                                                                - Walker Evans

That's a good enough reason for me to be involved in photography, to use it as a vehicle for staring into the world and knowing. Photography in itself is not that important to me, it's just another tool for achieving that UNDERSTANDING.

 And it's fun!

So who better than my Beautiful sister to mark the beginning of my Maiden Photographic flight, Right? Gorgeous as she is, I didn’t have to take any effort in capturing her; the main idea was to capture her essence, her beauty and frame it meaningful!

So here is My Attempt at Photography 101 - What's the good of news if you haven't a sister to share it??