IF I were a BOY!

There are many times I have burst into the phase of "how I wish I were a boy!". Don't get me wrong, I love who I am, but I just feel I would have been so much more happier and I could have done so many more things for people around me, had I been boy...

I may have given out the aura of being a total feminist, but trust me I am not one of those women who feel that "We can do EVERYTHING a man can do and ten times better at that". I definitely don't think I could do everything a man can.

For instance -

I couldn't  BREAK someone's heart and act like everything is okay. I have a conscience, I would die of guilt.

I couldn't LIE looking into someone's eyes, I would fail pathetically and be caught immediately.

I couldn't PROCRASTINATE, I have an inherent need to do things there and then and leave nothing HANGING.

My intention isn't to generalize, but all the men, I have in my life are innately  blessed with intimacy issues, dishonesty and commitment phobia. All of which I would pitifully fall short at. I have this need to make people happy, need to make everyone comfortable. In fact I get an internal anxiety attack should I NOT have something funny or interesting to say and chat up a person.

Seriously no matter how many things a girl is, she is always on a lower platform than a Man. Yep, that's how it is. No matter how educated, how talented, how efficient, how decent looking you are, If you are a GIRL, then you are always REQUIRED to be dependent on a MAN!

I was recently promoted to Asst. Design Manager and one of male colleagues comes up to me, and while casually talking about my upcoming projects and the sorts, he says to me; "You know, Neelu, No point in all this career growth and money business, why don't you try focusing on getting MARRIED! Right now you are staying with your parents, but you NEED a man to support you sooner than later. Forget the career, dance and all! Focus on THIS"  Thank you Mr. Smarty Pants, for unraveling this piece of mystery for me! I will forever stay in your debt, for you have truly said something that I had not heard from anyone else as of now. Pfft!

So I think maybe he is just jealous, what do I care about this man, right? But when My Appa, says "You know this is doesn't bring me happiness,... and you know what will" that's when I feel that no matter what I do it just isn't enough. And it would be so much better had I been a boy.

If I were a boy, my parents wouldn't be so stressed out.

If I were a boy, I could have focused on my career, and stayed unmarried all my life and I would only be looked upon as a wise and lucky man.

If I were a boy, I would have been able to breathe freely when I go to a wedding or a social gathering because I know I’m NOT being watched like a goat in the goat market by vulture like relatives and self appointed match makers.

If I were a boy, I would have had the liberty to date as many girls as I wanted, gone to all the possible parties, and could have been a “player” for all I care.

If I were a boy, even after doing all this, I could still expect a HOMELY, conservative, fair, pretty, well educated and tall girl.

I used to barf in disgust at the gender disparity, but I no longer have the energy to even hear another one of those sugar coated insults, let along react to one of them. I just wish it was possible to for men and women to walk in each other shoes for a day, to see and feel the pain they cause.

P.S On rather immodest note - If I were a boy, I would have been the BEST they had ever seen, no doubt about that! Also Mr. CLKP, you know what you have done, and its utterly cringe worthy! 

DEATH by DOSA

 I am an Indian.

Nothing extraordinary about my lineage, no mixed blood, no multiple ethnicities merging, mingling and fusing into ONE! Nah, nothing of that sort. Pure sheer Indian-ess flowing through my veins so to speak. I am from the South of India. Kerala, God’s own Country (as they advertise) to be precise.

However, my TASTEBUDS! They are a completely different story altogether. They are of multiethnic origin! Maternally I choose to believe and have come to conclude after repeated experiments and tests; I am of French, Dutch, Chinese, Lebanese, Syrian and Russian ancestry and paternally of American, Jamaican, English and German Background! No wait, I am serious! I cannot begin to tell you how much I despise south Indian food and how it messes up my whole digestive system!

I have tried my level best to make myself come around and take a liking to this particular spiced up, mind numbingly flavor lit dishes.

But the more I try the more I detest it!

When most of my school friends, college mates and colleagues sing praises and crave for the ghee dripping dosas, piping hot sambhars, succulently round idlis, steamed puttu and sauted tapioca, all I can do is dream and yearn for some freshly baked garlic breads, some curly croissants, maybe a vinegary lettuce salad, or a pie with some spinach and goat cheese, better still a bouillabaisse or baguette with some cheese! YUM! Dreaming a little more, some hummus and tabbouli, some arnabeet, and falafels would be fantastic? Oh wait how about some key lime pie (Dexter, anyone?) chocolate chip cookies, nachos, or potato chips?? God, I am Hungry!

Having spent my entire life in Dubai, there is never any shortage of food choices for the one’s with mutli ethnic taste buds like do, but it is when I have to go to my parent’s homeland and my vacation home. It is a difficult place to be in, by that I am talking about both India as well as being in the “Confused Desi” situation. I have spent my whole life in Dubai, nursery, school, college, post graduation, work, dance everything, Yet I am Indian and NOT an Emirati by law. Tsk Tsk

Confusion at its best, well this is a topic that should be discussed at length. Will get come to it later, for now back to the matter at hand.

For me dosa’s, idli’s and sambhar are all an utter disaster! I mean how can anyone seriously enjoy this for any meal of the day, let alone breakfast? I find idlis tasteless, soggy and RAW! Btw, the Kerala dosas are crazier, they are a good 2 inches thick, bland, difficult to blend and insipid. Sambhar is like water, spicy water with some pieces of unsavory and ugly veggies swimming around aimlessly! It’s really a wonder that while I am busy complaining about DOSA, they are people who actually sing songs praising the dish. Don’t believe me, have a listen! 

The only way I can have South Indian food without whining, cribbing and voicing my distaste for them is when I COOK them! Yes, I can cook the very things I so often wish would disappear as a recipe from minds of all people once and for all. I like to keep my friends close and my enemies closer! When I cook them, they somehow taste much more…uhmm… tolerable to ME! Sometimes even delectable. Yes that is the key word, ME! I like to think something is missing in them, a flavor to much or too little can be nipped and tucked and made more palpable to my taste buds, when I make them. And this is the only way I can actually digest the staple dishes from God’s own country!

Touché!