That’s IT! Get that KNIFE!

It would be a lie, if I say that I don’t get ANGRY all that easily! It would be an even bigger lie if I said Anger is a Bad emotion!

We, as human beings are full of feelings and emotions; it really makes no sense in trying to keep ourselves calm and composed all the time. As a matter of fact, Anger, is a feeling, an expression just as happiness and the others, it is an effective approach to release our inner dissatisfaction. I for one believe that if reasonable anger cannot be emitted in time, there would be serious repercussions, which may be far beyond our expectation! It is said that a certain percentage of people who fall ILL, Mentally illness are because of the pressed mood. Considering my Past week, quite obviously, I am NOT going to be ONE of them!

There was a time, immediately after school, during college, I think the First two years of college, I was HOT/SHORT Temper, Personified! You ask me a Question, and I would reply you back with a Question! No two ways about that! Thinking back I guess, it was the hormones, the idea of leading towards achieving higher level goals fueled by the strong will or desire to prove others wrong!! Fight the HOD, with few of the classmates, with any1 and everyone. But the fact of the scenario was I was being even more irritated by my seniors and others just so that they can see Me get angry, see me REACT! Yup I just couldn’t Ignore or Keep quiet! If someone said something that I didn’t agree with, it was almost important for me to express my displeasure to them at once! And Why NOT!

Then she came, a calm and composed lady professor with a superior thought process and interesting set of assignments, the assignments in turn got me closer to Mum… pestering both of them to give me a push in the right direction of Design! With both of them so closely bonded to me, things started falling into place, my anger was replaced by a sense of extreme determination and vigor to channel all my energy in a positive and constructive manner. I topped, not once, not twice, but all the bloody times, in all the semesters! That was my Number one Priority in life, a Spotlessly clean 4 G.P.A all the time! Till I completed my Masters that was the only thing on my Mind!!!

Once that got over, I drowned myself with the same vigor to excel at work! To be able to do anything and everything in a Design Firm, that was my TARGET!! For the past One year that was my agenda, doing everything from designing, quantifying, specifying, dusting, arranging samples, meeting clients, site visits, and what not! Working on Weekends was like a norm for me! It was Fun, exciting and exhilarating! Everything was just perfect!

During all this while, I wouldn’t say I never got anger, I did, but never expressed it, I just ignored people I didn’t like, or who didn’t like me or people who said, behaved in principles that I do not reciprocate! All this because I was too bothered about my target that nothing else mattered to me!

But my Flashback Week in December saw some developments that I could have lived without! I got bored! All of a Sudden… just like that, it’s been over three years since I am working in the organization, but I believe 2010 was the best in terms of Work, creative satisfaction and contentment! But in December, everything sort of slowed down. My interest, my commitment, I don’t know what it is, but it has definitely gone somewhere!

And that void, has not been left empty! Nope, Not at all! It was quickly filled up with ANGER! The Last week saw me get angry with my Boss, with my DM, with my project guys etc! The incident that left me slightly flushed and shaken was my tiff with the DM.

He had me pushed to the limit earlier on as well, but I chose to shut up and ignore the man! But there is a limit to which you can instigate a person no? Three days back He said something and that’s was it! I thought I was going to explode, my body temperature hit the roof, my hands were shivering, and my voice levels went a notch higher! I thought I would Burn right there!

He was wrong, he wasn’t accepting it and I was trying to get him to realize, accept and move on, but he just wouldn’t and I just couldn’t stop!

True I didn’t want to passively accept his wrongdoings anymore and this incident illuminates my effort to take action against him finally. Agreed the Anger once subsided we were talking as though nothing transpired between us and we were perfectly normal. But my Question to myself was, where did all that energy come from? The Anger made me feel the strongest, most assertive and yet so so weak and vulnerable.

Was it Okay? Is it healthy to feel like you would just snap into flames? Is it normal to want to stab someone? LOL Do I need Anger Management Classes?

Even while asking this Question, I can hear my Mum, in the background saying… “You have too much money and don’t know how to Spend it! It’s normal! Find a new Target or a New Person in Life!! So SHUT UP!”

Is it?? Is that ALL??