For me, that makes all the difference.

I have been meaning to write for a long time now, but I just couldn’t as was too busy a) getting used to Working after that long break thanks to influenza, b) My bestie is back and in town and was getting back in touch with her, and c) generally lazy :P.

Gender is a completely intriguing subject. Without it, sexism and homophobia wouldn't exist! Without it babies wouldn’t exist! Without it, rapes and sexual assaults wouldn’t exist! Without it, maybe, just maybe the world would have been a different safer place! Without it, my parents wouldn’t worry about me being 24 and STILL single and unmarried! :P (Correction, THEY are parents, it is inherently impossible for them to NOT worry!)

But we can hardly imagine such a world, right? Wrong I have and I think I would personally LIKE living in such a world! All this and more considering a multitude of things. In the past week I have heard about and encountered all sorts of MEN, ranging from Clients who promised the project if he were to be given a *Little* something, to lecherous delivery boys who decide to photograph his customer while she is busy looking for change to tip him, to 4 year old girls being raped in her own school bus, to girls being *touched* unknowingly by random males! Do you blame me now?

Babies have their gender assigned to them the minute they're born, and if their physical sex is ambiguous, they may have surgery to make it less so. After all, HOW could they possibly manage in the world without a gender? Why, there wouldn't be any toilets for them!

Getting back to my subject at hand, All my school life and college life, both girls and guys have told me that I am not Straight, I am a what do you call it a *Dostani*, that I am obviously fascinated by girls because I am not showing any attraction towards boys! As usual I used to laugh it off; obviously there is no point in humoring these preposterous accusations, right? Recently someone (I won’t give the person the dignity of being given a name or even a pseudo name as the individual doesn’t deserve any of it!) told me that I was Asexual, either that or lesbian, and that I was so, because I suffer from delusions from a post traumatic molestation/ experience! All this and more only and only because I thwarted his advances. I knew Men don’t take rejections well but this is impossible! How can he conclude something like that and actually tell me the same. He proceeded to advise me that I needed therapy and that HE could help and would accept me even though I was like THIS!

Like what may I ask?? Like What? Like the fact that I do not paint the town red with my conquests? Like the fact that I hate the concept of physical proximity with unknown males? Like the fact that I have self imposed limits when it comes to men? Like the fact that I think I do not need to drink or smoke in order to FIT IN? Like the fact that I go home daily after work and lead a life that I would like to call decent and regulated? Is this why I need therapy?

Only recently did I realize I was a FEMINIST! Yup! I never really gave it a thought, as to why I used to feel so much for Women’s causes and have a general aversion when someone says “Obviously, after all it is a Lady!” In fact there are times I get so annoyed hearing that it makes it difficult to sit there looking at the person anymore. But Now I know I am and maybe that’s why I am perceived to be *Asexual*! Yes I do believe women do not need men to help them at all, but just because of that is it fair to brand me a Lesbian? I think the word has lost its charm, mystery and meaning considering how easily and thoughtlessly it is being used! I behave in the way I do Because I am a woman. Because I am a Woman I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes"; They will say, "Women don't have what it takes!”.

If being the way I am, young, single, pretty, head strong, successful and boyfriend - less makes me a Lesbian, maybe then I am ONE! But then I pause to think doesn’t being lesbian mean woman's identity, to desire, or to activity between women. Sorry to burst the bubble I have NONE of that! So there!

Is it not possible that people or rather people whom I get in touch with think that she is the way she because she is waiting for the Right one? Or she is just not interested? Is it too difficult to conclude that?

What happened to our DESI CULTURE? INDIAN WOMEN are meant to be to be high on fidelity, remember? I know it isn’t true in all cases at least lets us try and accept it in some… I intend to succeed in my Bharatiya Nari mode… and I am not going to let anyone or anything stop me.

Maybe HE is Right, I DO need therapy, I need therapy in order to live in THIS world and deal with opportunists, rapists, molesters, eve teasers and more at every nook and corner! Guess therapy will help me GELL in! Or NOT!