Dear God,

I feel I am supposed to start the New Year with a prayer, a request, a plea to make this one a much nicer year as compared to the one that has gone by. I want to pray, I want to ask you so many things, I want you to make everything OK, but I am at a loss of words and I can’t seem to go any further than “WHY”? No one has ever told me not to question YOU. Even if they did I wouldn't comply. I want to question. I want to rant. I want to talk. I want to whisper. And Yell. You will eventually respond won’t you? 

God, I am hurt; I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I want to get over the hurt; I want to breathe easily, comfortably.

God, I am tired; I don’t want to be tired anymore. I want to be my old self again.

God, I am sad; I don’t want to be sad anymore. I want to be happy and blissful.

God, I am sick; I don’t want to be sick anymore. I want to be healthy and active.

God, I am confused; I don’t want to be confused anymore. I want to know who I am. I need to know who I am. If you could just, hear me out and help me, tell me who I am? Why I am like this? Why are people the way they are? How can people break hearts so easily?? Break promises so easily? Take us for fools so easily? Why do people lie so much? How can they lie so blatantly? Do I have been responsible for things that are beyond my control? For things I am born with? 

God, where are you? Where were you when I asked you for Signs before? Where are you when people desperately need you? Where were you when that crazy guy gunned down so many naive children and young people? Where were you when that poor innocent girl was being brutally violated? What were you doing? Why did you let it happen? Why?

Please promise me you will show me, show US, that you are here for US. You have it all under control and it is all for the greater good. Make it all WORTHWHILE. I accept your decisions for me for the year 2012, with a whole heart. You have given me joy and at the same time so many sorrows. Why God, are you worried I will be too complacent and egoistical should I be happy all the time? Are you? Give me the opportunity to show you that I can be humble all the time; I really can do without the multiple falls, bouts of sickness and tensions. I really can. I promise I won’t let it go to my head.

Before I end this post and start the New Year, I also want to THANK YOU, Thank you for the Clarity. No more confusion. No more doubts. I had asked you for that and you gave it to me. So, thank you.

Thank you for my family who’s always there for me during my various mood swings, my different illnesses, my ups and downs, all of it. Thank you for my friends – who have been there for me despite me being absent indefinitely and for the unconditional friendship that we have. Thank you for my Job, all other materialistic things in my life.

Thank you for showing me I shouldn't sacrifice, I should bend down, I shouldn't accept defeat. Thank you and since I am greedy I need more. I want to start the New Year on a positive note and I want you to show me Hope, in spite of everything. I am going to give it another try. I want your Help. 

Show me that there is undying love, and that I am worthy of experiencing it. Show me that WE, humans are all the SAME. Religion, caste, creed, gender, and that none of it MATTERS. Show me that I am a good person and that people value me. Show me that I am capable of experiencing true long lasting happiness. Show me that I make a difference. 

Won’t you help me? Won’t you hold me hands and guide me once again?