DEATH by DOSA

 I am an Indian.

Nothing extraordinary about my lineage, no mixed blood, no multiple ethnicities merging, mingling and fusing into ONE! Nah, nothing of that sort. Pure sheer Indian-ess flowing through my veins so to speak. I am from the South of India. Kerala, God’s own Country (as they advertise) to be precise.

However, my TASTEBUDS! They are a completely different story altogether. They are of multiethnic origin! Maternally I choose to believe and have come to conclude after repeated experiments and tests; I am of French, Dutch, Chinese, Lebanese, Syrian and Russian ancestry and paternally of American, Jamaican, English and German Background! No wait, I am serious! I cannot begin to tell you how much I despise south Indian food and how it messes up my whole digestive system!

I have tried my level best to make myself come around and take a liking to this particular spiced up, mind numbingly flavor lit dishes.

But the more I try the more I detest it!

When most of my school friends, college mates and colleagues sing praises and crave for the ghee dripping dosas, piping hot sambhars, succulently round idlis, steamed puttu and sauted tapioca, all I can do is dream and yearn for some freshly baked garlic breads, some curly croissants, maybe a vinegary lettuce salad, or a pie with some spinach and goat cheese, better still a bouillabaisse or baguette with some cheese! YUM! Dreaming a little more, some hummus and tabbouli, some arnabeet, and falafels would be fantastic? Oh wait how about some key lime pie (Dexter, anyone?) chocolate chip cookies, nachos, or potato chips?? God, I am Hungry!

Having spent my entire life in Dubai, there is never any shortage of food choices for the one’s with mutli ethnic taste buds like do, but it is when I have to go to my parent’s homeland and my vacation home. It is a difficult place to be in, by that I am talking about both India as well as being in the “Confused Desi” situation. I have spent my whole life in Dubai, nursery, school, college, post graduation, work, dance everything, Yet I am Indian and NOT an Emirati by law. Tsk Tsk

Confusion at its best, well this is a topic that should be discussed at length. Will get come to it later, for now back to the matter at hand.

For me dosa’s, idli’s and sambhar are all an utter disaster! I mean how can anyone seriously enjoy this for any meal of the day, let alone breakfast? I find idlis tasteless, soggy and RAW! Btw, the Kerala dosas are crazier, they are a good 2 inches thick, bland, difficult to blend and insipid. Sambhar is like water, spicy water with some pieces of unsavory and ugly veggies swimming around aimlessly! It’s really a wonder that while I am busy complaining about DOSA, they are people who actually sing songs praising the dish. Don’t believe me, have a listen! 

The only way I can have South Indian food without whining, cribbing and voicing my distaste for them is when I COOK them! Yes, I can cook the very things I so often wish would disappear as a recipe from minds of all people once and for all. I like to keep my friends close and my enemies closer! When I cook them, they somehow taste much more…uhmm… tolerable to ME! Sometimes even delectable. Yes that is the key word, ME! I like to think something is missing in them, a flavor to much or too little can be nipped and tucked and made more palpable to my taste buds, when I make them. And this is the only way I can actually digest the staple dishes from God’s own country!

Touché!