The Case of the Peeping and Pooping TOM!

Dear Peepers and Poop-ers of my Office Tower,

I am going to call you Pee and Poo, respectively. Yes, I agree we haven't met face to face yet, just IN PASSING or IN MOTION (no  pun intended!), however, I feel we know each other quite well, as we have corresponded with each other through drastically different mediums!

You may not be aware, so let me bring you up to speed, my office relocated to this Tower, exactly, on October 13th 2011, and from then on we have had a very nice, and decent working atmosphere till March this year.

I presume this is when you moved to this tower or your issues started from this point on. Should we ever meet in person, I would really like to discuss and know what exactly triggered this. Any problems at home, financial issues, failure at a marriage/ relationship? There is nothing we cannot solve, this includes cheap/indecent, unhygienic and lecherous behavior as well as uncontrollable bowel movements. But right now I am addressing a different topic so let me continue with that.

Firstly, I would like to ask you, Poo... Where are you from? And who taught you toilet etiquette? Oh, I am sorry, Has anyone INTRODUCED you to the concept of a toilet? If yes, he/ she has clearly NOT put even a penny's worth of effort into it! Either you have NOT been using the toilet at all till now, which is not humanly possible, so I go on to my next conclusion, which is, you were born and raised in a JUNGLE. Wherein in you would wake up in the morning, go to the nearest pond/lake and splash water around, make many tiny muddy puddles, and then poop where ever you like! Am I right, or am I right? The first time I knew of your existence was when I saw tiny shreds of toilet paper all around the office toilet, then came the water puddles with murky shoe marks and then came the water dripping from the ceiling and walls! At first I thought it was some kind of an animal. Obviously who else would be capable of splashing water to the top of the ceiling, with so much force that the gypsum ceiling tile cracks and the water gets clogged up there?

But that illusion of mine, of you being an animal was broken when I saw your next escapade! A Quick question. Are you not aware of how to use a western closet? Actually I am sure you do not know how one functions, because why else would you take a dump on the FLOOR? Did you think that your poop would be magically air lighted from the floor and get flushed by ITSELF?? Why dear Poo, why would you think that or do that? And the inquisitiveness in me wonders, HOW did you manage that at THAT angle??

Poo, it is for your benefit that I actually created this poster, have you forgotten?

Also, Poo, Remember you need to keep your bodily functions private, so let's practice keeping them that way, shall we?

For your practice, watch this nice gentlemen and he will teach you how to go about it!

Btw, Poo, now that we are this topic, I strongly suggest you BUY and use this product! Trust me, it will be every bit helpful for YOU and go a LONG way in saving your relationships!

Now Pee, It's your turn. Let me start by asking you a simple question. Are you a transgender? If the answer is YES, I apologize on behalf of everyone for not having a third gender section introduced  as of now and in the washrooms, more importantly. I sincerely do.

However, If your answer is NO, then move onto the next question. Do you treat your Mom the same way you treat all other women you come across? Do you peep in to her washroom too? What joy do you get by, hiding and sneaking up on women in the washroom? Do you think we are most vulnerable there? It's quiet funny, that you had the courage and the guts to lurk around the women's toilet and PEEP, but the instant my friend, colleague and my knight in shining armour (in this case), Lavina, sees you and comes after you, you RUN. Why Pee, Why would you run? Did you run out of your lecherous instincts or your courage?

Pee, Poo, you guys have given me a glimpse of how dirty and filthy the world is. Living in Dubai, in a super colorful and fantasy world for all my life, I really did  not believe I would come across this sort of messy behavior, but I am glad you opened my eyes and gave me a firsthand experience at that.

Lastly Pee, you need to  stop participating in voyeuristic behaviors and Poo, you need Diapers!

For ever in debt for your life lessons and anxious to see you FACE to FACE,

N.

A Way of Life - DRESSING UP!

I have always maintained that “Dressing UP is a way to UP your life”.

Case in point, you have an interview, or you are going to take that girl you have been chasing for months out on a date, what would you do? DRESS UP, obviously.  You wouldn't want to go to the interview or the date, like you are on the way home from the beach, in sandy shorts and flip flops now, would you? If you would, well the only thing you would hear is a “NEXT” or “GET OUT”! Just saying.

We, the Kumar’s, love to dress up. It’s an instant booster for our energies and spirits. And you know you don’t absolutely need a reason for it, you could do it for yourself, to make yourself happy. DRESS UP. Why? You love yourself, so that’s good reason! I know you have got some nice clothes in your closet, just lying around WAITING for the occasion to rise. I say don’t wait, make it! Anyways what is a NICER occasion than YOU? DRESS UP, make a statement. Get into a GET UP!

Mom, this one is for you, if you are saving that nice jewelry for some occasion to CROP UP, don’t hold your breath, let’s just put it on NOW and say the occasion is HERE!

Okay, you are all dressed up and have nowhere to go, go to that coffee shop, that book store, that mall even. So what you don’t have anything you NEED to buy, you could feel like you are playing a game, and games are fun, yes??

That being said, this weekend has been all about dressing up (with occasions and all!). First it being Halloween and now DIWALI! My brother and sister have always wanted to dress up for Halloween, and this time around, I decided to try my hand at Halloween make up… The results are below! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

  

My Brother, being the Gruesome JOKER! 

My sister being the SEXY Vampire

My Brother, and two of his friends (and two of  other test subjects!)

Btw since I was anyway immersed in makeup, I decided, I too should get into the HALLOWEEN gear, and for thouse of you who are unable to comprehend my character, well I am a POP ART COMIC CHARACTER! Pfft… the perils of dressing up being overtly creative!

 

Me, in my POP ART COMIC CHARACTER mode.

 That’s all from me now, I need to run along and start dressing UP for DIWALI!! HAPPY DIWALI YOU ALL!!!!

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my GREEN MONSTER! Two years!!!