Dear Peepers and Poop-ers of my
Office Tower,
I
am going to call you Pee and Poo, respectively. Yes, I agree we haven't met
face to face yet, just IN PASSING or IN MOTION (no pun intended!), however, I feel we know each
other quite well, as we have corresponded with each other through drastically
different mediums!
You
may not be aware, so let me bring you up to speed, my office relocated to this
Tower, exactly, on October 13th 2011, and from then on we have had a very nice,
and decent working atmosphere till March this year.
I
presume this is when you moved to this tower or your issues started from this
point on. Should we ever meet in person, I would really like to discuss and
know what exactly triggered this. Any problems at home, financial issues,
failure at a marriage/ relationship? There is nothing we cannot solve, this
includes cheap/indecent, unhygienic and lecherous behavior as well as uncontrollable
bowel movements. But right now I am addressing a different topic so let me
continue with that.
Firstly,
I would like to ask you, Poo... Where are you from? And who taught you toilet etiquette?
Oh, I am sorry, Has anyone INTRODUCED you to the concept of a toilet? If yes, he/
she has clearly NOT put even a penny's worth of effort into it! Either you have
NOT been using the toilet at all till now, which is not humanly possible, so I
go on to my next conclusion, which is, you were born and raised in a JUNGLE.
Wherein in you would wake up in the morning, go to the nearest pond/lake and
splash water around, make many tiny muddy puddles, and then poop where ever you
like! Am I right, or am I right? The first time I knew of your existence was
when I saw tiny shreds of toilet paper all around the office toilet, then came
the water puddles with murky shoe marks and then came the water dripping from
the ceiling and walls! At first I thought it was some kind of an animal.
Obviously who else would be capable of splashing water to the top of the
ceiling, with so much force that the gypsum ceiling tile cracks and the water gets
clogged up there?
But
that illusion of mine, of you being an animal was broken when I saw your next escapade!
A Quick question. Are you not aware of how to use a western closet? Actually I am
sure you do not know how one functions, because why else would you take a dump
on the FLOOR? Did you think that your poop would be magically air lighted from
the floor and get flushed by ITSELF?? Why
dear Poo, why would you think that or do that? And the inquisitiveness in me
wonders, HOW did you manage that at THAT angle??
Poo,
it is for your benefit that I actually created this poster, have you forgotten?
Also,
Poo, Remember you need to keep your bodily
functions private, so let's practice keeping them that way, shall we?
For
your practice, watch this nice gentlemen and he will teach you how to go about
it!
Btw,
Poo, now that we are this topic, I strongly suggest you BUY and use this
product! Trust me, it will be every bit helpful for YOU and go a LONG way in
saving your relationships!
Now
Pee, It's your turn. Let me start by asking you a simple question. Are you a
transgender? If the answer is YES, I apologize on behalf of everyone for not
having a third gender section introduced
as of now and in the washrooms, more importantly. I sincerely do.
However,
If your answer is NO, then move onto the next question. Do you treat your Mom
the same way you treat all other women you come across? Do you peep in to her
washroom too? What joy do you get by, hiding and sneaking up on women in the
washroom? Do you think we are most vulnerable there? It's quiet funny, that you
had the courage and the guts to lurk around the women's toilet and PEEP, but
the instant my friend, colleague and my knight in shining armour (in this
case), Lavina, sees you and comes after you, you RUN. Why Pee, Why would you
run? Did you run out of your lecherous instincts or your courage?
Pee,
Poo, you guys have given me a glimpse of how dirty and filthy the world is.
Living in Dubai, in a super colorful and fantasy world for all my life, I
really did not believe I would come
across this sort of messy behavior, but I am glad you opened my eyes and gave
me a firsthand experience at that.
Lastly Pee, you
need to stop
participating in voyeuristic behaviors and Poo, you need Diapers!
For ever in debt for your life lessons and anxious
to see you FACE to FACE,
N.
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