Living Obcompulsessively!

It’s pretty NORMAL, on occasion, to go back, check and double-check if that the iron is unplugged or your car is locked. But what if one gets obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that become so excessive that they start to interfere with one’s daily life. And no matter what you do, you can’t seem to shake them off.

 

My fixation about checking things, over and over again has resulted in a peculiar behavior which pressurizes me at most opportunities.

 

One of the most common and obvious action that I have can be noticed after I park my car anywhere.I park the car, switch it off, get out, press the Lock key and then I just cannot resist to pull the door handles, each and every one of the 4 doors in circles few times, I avoid if someone is there in the vicinity or I know someone is watching, that too with great difficulty. Then I will walk away after feeling that the car is locked securely. After I walk quite a distance, I will feel the urge to go back and check again. Really bad urge! Even though I try to reassure myself that I already made it secure the last time around, I still can’t help but to go back again. This ritual of circling the car and pulling the door handles will repeat 3 or 4 times. Once people started to notice that I am behaving strangely, then I will start to change line of attack by firing the remote control button from far away to confirm that the car is locked. But since it is done from far, then I will feel that the car might not be secured properly and I will start to go back and do it all over again. Every time I walk away from the car, I can’t resist going back and checking. When people are around, after I walk away from the car, I will pretend like that I have forgotten something and put my hand on my head and will go back to the car to check again.

The whole thing will make me tired, stressed up and not to mention Foolish!

 

To make things worse, I actually did not lock the Main Door of My House a few days back, and I left the key rite at the keyhole. :O These mistakes made me virtually unable to forego the car checking ritual every time I park my car. Strangely though, I have never noticed any one doing the same thing like me in the car park till now. If I saw few people like that, it would have made me more comfortable as I am not the only one like that!

 

Second thing that I do would be talking to my Favorite person, Myself!! Basically a string of voluntary thoughts pop into my mind all the time and when I am alone I find myself voicing it out. That’s how I describe it anyway, and I am sticking to it!! Talking to you is something that some people may see as insane, but look at the benefits. In some cases I see better decisions, better progress in time management, and being less judgmental.

Only issue being is that if you choose to talk to yourself, always do so in your HEAD and always remember that you are talking to yourself and that people are not talking to YOU! LOL

 

After checking, rechecking my car doors this morning and walking to my Office, I found myself telling me, that I need to cut the habit, and all of a sudden I realized that these weren’t the only things that I worry about. :O so what else do I worry about?

 

Well I am bothered about:

• Being contaminated by germs or dirt or contaminating others
• Fear of causing harm to yourself or others (This is somewhat else there days)
• Intrusive violent thoughts and images (Picture standing alone with a laundry boy in the lift and having images of him trying to strangle you! Phew!)
• Excessive focus on religious or moral ideas (Yup!)
• Fear of losing or not having things you might need (Checking the bag for my mobile like a hundred times, only to find that I have left it at Home yet again!)
• Order and symmetry: the idea that everything must line up “just right.” (This Book should be towards the right and that pen should be towards the Center!)
  

 This Worry of mine in turn turns into irrational behaviors:

 

• Unnecessary double-checking of various things like locks, appliances, and switches.
• Smelling Food before eating it!
• Frequently checking in on loved ones to make sure they’re safe.
• Smelling anything and everything for that Matter!
• Ordering, evening out, or arranging things “just so.”
• Constantly sniffing around to check from burning smells or leaks
• Counting, tapping, repeating certain words and other senseless things to reduce anxiety.
• Always expecting the Room to go up in flames the minute I switch on any of the sockets!
• Praying excessively (Actually is there a thing as praying *excessively*??)
• Accumulating “junk” such as old newspapers, magazines, and empty food containers, or other things I don’t have a use for. (This of course doesn’t last to long, as I have my MUM to shout at me for causing unnecessary clutter in the House!)

Clearly, obsessive compulsive tendencies tend to make life difficult. Things that enter my mind tend to stay on my mind... until I have completely explained them, to myself. A simple word or question from another person needs to be cleared in my head. I need to know why he/she said what they did… This repetitive, fixated thinking can be incapacitating, especially when the thought on my mind is fear. Because of this tendency, I have panic attacks that start out as almost nothing.

However, I find that these tendencies can also be beneficial: I have the ability to maintain intense focus on a single task for a long time. When I go to accomplish something, I am resolute and thorough. This is particularly useful in philosophy. I start with a thought, and intensely, carefully, and rigorously, I can follow the thought to its logical conclusion... With obsessive attention to detail and caring not to leave anything out.

 

As I am winding up my little blog entry, I cannot help but be a little worried! I am a bit worried that if I have started liking it, I am also worried if with time I will lose the advantages to thinking in this obsessive, compulsive way, that are a big part of my identity. But living with this brain of mine is frequently not all that agreeable. It's a HARD conclusion to arrive at.